For the past four days, I’ve been busying myself. Going out with my friends all day so that when I get home, I’ll be too tired to think and go to bed immediately instead. Now that the hype has died down, the thoughts are slowly flowing in.
I was watching an Oprah re-run this morning. Pink was on it and she sang one of her most humbling songs, “I don’t believe you” from her album Funhouse. It was the song that got her husband and herself back together after a year of seperation. She said she realised that the reason why her marriage didn’t work was because she was so focused on changing her husband that she lost sight on what she needed to change about herself. She had 20 different things that she wanted in her husband, but did she have all of those qualities?
Often times that’s what happens to us. We try to make someone into who we want them to be, perfect, when we ourselves aren’t.. In fact, no one is.
I’ve been focusing on all the wrong that he has done - how he doesn’t give me as much attention as I’d hope for, how he doesn’t text me till he’s completely free and at home, how he’s doing that video project thing that involves him “dating” a girl in college.. It just suddenly dawned on me today that, hey, this is one of the reason why I liked him in the first place. He was committed to his work/studies. He concentrates on one thing at a time and doesn’t do anything else till he’s done with the task at hand. Once he picks something up, like that video project, he’ll make sure that he does it right and finishes it. If that is what drew me towards him in the first place, then why is it that I’m complaining about it so much now?
Of course he has his faults, he could’ve handled things better I guess, but am I being too needy at the same time? Is this who I am, who I wanna be? If it is, then, am I drawn towards the wrong kinda men? Maybe it’s just plain and simple - we’re not meant for each other. If that is so, then why is it so hard for me to let go?
“Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.”
